Yer Fan Mail

Send all fan mail to barney@minatarenebraska.com, your messages will be posted here if I find them entertaining enough to share with others. Remember, by sending me email, you are giving me permission to publish it here with the IP address that you sent your message from and a clickable link to your email address.

Now this message really comes as a kick in the shorts. Even though the sender's name and address were blank, it turned out not to be hate mail after all. Apparently, this site contains the most information about Minatare than any other web site out there. Kinda hard to believe, but then again, it's not all that hard to believe, either. I mean, what the hell is there to tell people about this town that this website doesn't already entail (whether it's satire or not)? As for his point about this site not being up to date. He's right, and there's a reason for that. It's because nothing ever happens here (other than our double murder that we had here at the beginning of the year).

Subject: Love the Web Site.
   From: [Blank]
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Sun, October 7, 2007 05:18 am
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

I just stumbled upon your web site and the parody was funny.
It is the most information I can find on the town on the web. I
occassionally look for things about Minatare since my wife and I
did graduate from high school there in 1988. You get nostalgic
occassionally. I don't know why for Minatare though.

I have two aunts that still live in Minatare. I do not get back
much and when I do I am suprised that I grew up there. I remember
more trees and businesses. I do remember the smell though and do
not really miss it. Imagine that.

From your web site it seems that Tøm Cåse runs alot of things there
now. I always thought he was a dumb shït though. I also have heard
that Jïmmy Grümblês is the chief of police. Now that has to be an
interesting situation. He has always been a real Barney Fife. Who is
the Mayor now?

I noticed that your web site was not really up to date. I would
like to see more about what is happening or not happening in Minatare.
As you can probably tell I do not live in Minatare anymore. I went
off to college right after graduation then on to professional school
for my doctorate and didn't really come back much to Minatare. My wife
and I both think it is interesting and sad that we have never been
invited to or heard about a high school reunion since high school.

Well keep up the good work and the web site. The not so funny thing
about it is that much that you "parody" is true. You don't really have
to stretch the truth that much, I know, I did live there.

Here's an email from a gal that makes a very valid point. You think the "Stinkometer" on the left is just there as a joke? Think again, the stink here comes and goes at random, and when it does hit, you'll think you've died and gone to hell. Read further, you'll love the way she describes it! Another funny thing about this message is that she found this site just by typing "Minatare Nebraska" into a search engine, and this is always the first or second site listed in the search results. So, that pretty much means this site is more relavent to Minatare than any other site out there. Isn't that just poetic?

Subject: Hi there!
   From: "Nicole Kimberling" <nicolekimberling@gmail.com>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Wed, October 3, 2007 12:00 am
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

I came across your site while randomly googling the name of my home
town, where you now, apparently, live. Reading through, I began to
ponder stink.

Having lived in both Minatare, NE and Greeley, CO (whose stink has
been immortalized in the book, Fast Food Nation) I am hard pressed to
choose a stinkier stink as each has it's own particular qualities.
The Greeley stink is a slaughterhouse stink, shït plus blood, plus
burning that comes at the smeller full-force in a vomit-inducing
wave. This is the stink of meat-packing hell. The Minatare stink is a
gentler stink, coming with the rising damp of the evening. Unlike the
Greeley stink, however, the Minatare stink is almost... how can I
say? Chewy? You feel the stink as a solid mass, as if you could
actually take a big bite of solid manure from the air. It is the pure
stink of tons and tons of shït, plopped out through the decades by
hundreds of thousands of cows.

Which one would I rather smell?

Holy fück, they're both so utterly vile it's too repulsive a question
to contemplate.

Take care,
Nikki

Wow, it's been quite a while since I received any mail about the website, good or bad, and now I suddenly get a peach of a message from some wacko bitch over in Greely, CO. This site still gets about 150 hits per day, so apparently it hasn't fallen off the search engines yet. The sender of this message is obviously a real brainiac and doesn't know how to use a computer without the caps-lock key lit up, her grammar and punctuation skills aren't the sharpest, either. She's yet another one of those that's convinced that there is something illegal about this website and that I'm going to get my ass kicked out of town over it. Uh, my ass kicked out of town? Just out of curiosity, when the hell was the last time that happened anywhere in the US, and what was the legal basis for it? I'm pretty sure that the last time it happened, Dr. Ruth was still teaching people how to give head on horseback. She also says that if she lived here, I'd be the one person she'd keep her kids away from. Obviously, she doesn't know much about other people that live here (like in the neighborhood of 6th street and 2nd avenue). What makes her think that I'd be interested in having her little inbred brats hanging around me anyway? I'm surprised that this wacko bitch would even have any kids, I don't think she can conceive. It's not that I don't think she can get pregnant, I just think she's too stupid to understand the concept.

Subject: your stupid website
   From: "Ranae Owens" <ranaeowens@yahoo.com>
     IP: 63.151.19.30 [United States - Colorado - Greeley - Banner Health]
   Date: Mon, April 23, 2007 07:11 am
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

I CANNOT BELIVE WHAT I SAW WHEN I WENT TO THE
MINATARE NEBRASKA WEBSITE. I KNOW PEOPLE THAT HAVE
LIVED IN MINATARE ALL THERE LIFE AND THIS IS HOW YOU
TALK ABOUT YOUR TOWN AND PEOPLE THAT LIVE IN THERE
I HOPE THAT YOU GET YOUR ASS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE FOR
WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON THERE. BETTER YET I HOPE THE
PEOPLE OF MINATARE KICK YOUR ASS OUT OF TOWN. YOU
ARE A HORRIBLE DISGUSTING PERSON. IF I LIVED IN
MINATARE YOU WOULD BE THE PERSON I WOULD KEEP MY
KIDS AWAY FROM. IF YOU THINK THIS WAY OF THE TOWN
YOU LIVE IN THEN WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU LIVE THERE.
THIS IS NOT FUNNY STUFF IT IS STUPID, RUDE,
DISGUSTING AND YOU SHOULD JUST GET THE @##$ OUT OF
MINATARE IF THIS IS ALL YOU THINK OF TO PUT ON YOUR
WEBSITE ABOUT MINATARE NEBRASKA.

Whoa, reverse DNS on this sender is mail.advancingtechnologies.net - that's about a kick in the ass. If you work for them, you'll fall out of your chair laughing at the message came in before yours. As for losing or keeping the domain, not to worry, I got a better domain today. They can have those other two pieces of shït for domains since they're completely ruined for any other purpose now anyway. Plus, minatarenebraska.com is much better because it's much more precise. As for the "juggie girl" on the webmaster photo album page, she's a tourist. The only time you see something like that in Minatare is if she's just passing through, or when you're about to pass out from slamming 20 shots of tequila, and I guarantee that she won't look like that after the tequila wears off. Gotta love her t-shirt, more women need one of those, the same size too, and they need to be able to fit into it without giving the neck and shirt sleeves stretch-marks. (Thanks for your support!)

Subject: Thou Site
   From: "Ben Graham" <streamline_skater@msn.com>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Fri, February 17, 2006 10:18 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

This site kicks ass! I love the humor put into that tiny little shïthole.
Keep it up man and don't lose this domain. Oh yeah, and that hot chick in
the pictures part with the big boobs... HIT THAT! Well unless she got some
kind of disease like almost all the other women in Minatare. Be carefull...

I love dolts like this that talk about "how good they are" and don't even realize how stupid they're making them themselves look. Once again, we've got another retard who let a simple thing like proper punctuation outsmart them. In this message, this tool is openly admitting that he's going to shut down Yahoo's web servers because "it is so simple to do" (yeah, that's why it just happens every day, dork). This is all because this "skilled technician" was STUPID enough to right click one of the pages here and STUPID enough to fall for the warning that pops up when you do that. He seems to think he knows my phone number, but the only part he got right was the 308 (better luck next time, slurpie). And he also claims that he's signed me up for more spam than I could ever delete. Wow, now there's one "skilled technician", he knows how to feed a useless email address to spammers. I'm totally shakin in my boots. NOT! (OK, let me know when all the spam is supposed to start and when my spam filter and I are supposed to start giving a shït, I don't see anything yet. Listen up, chump. You little "Microsoft CDO for Windows 2000" script kiddies come a dime a dozen, and if you were as good as you think you are, you wouldn't be a WinDoze user. But just like all the rest, you are just another nutless wonder hiding behind your keyboard in mommy's basement with your copy of WindBlows Ex-Pee Home Edition, I'm less than worried about you. Big talk is cheap talk, put up or shut up, put your money where your mouth is, and let's see your "wrath" all over me. BTW, you might want to wait until you've outgrown puberty first, little boy.)

03-16-2006: It's been a month now and the website still hasn't gone down. What's wrong, kid? All talk and no action?

Subject: Right click to format hard drive
   From: "dumbass@mytrashmail.com" <dumbass@mytrashmail.com>
     IP: 80.237.206.93 [Austria - Wien - Wien - He-dedic-cgn]
   Date: Thu, February 16, 2006 11:10 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

I am a technician I am skilled and I will stop your site from working.
It is very simple to do. Why don't you post your phone number it is 3087831414.

Ps
I have signed you up for so much spam you wont be able to delete it all.
***************************************************
This email was send via myTrashMail.com
Sender: 80.237.206.93
Time: Central Standard Time
***************************************************

I just love it when people don't know what's really going on, and make up something that sounds more like what they would rather believe. Lots of people contribute content for this website, but they don't "run" it. Even the person in question submitted content that's posted here, but he sure as hell doesn't run the site. Even if he did run this site, the last time I checked, opinions and satire were still legal in this country. I would be willing to bet that's why the city attorney is still standing there with his pud in his hand and not following through on any of his threats to sue someone over this website. As I was told in a recent email by the person in question here, the only difference between the city attorney and a bucket of shït is the container.

Hannah, take the time to consider the source of your information and these facts (his name rhymes with the name of this domain). The person you are referring to as your source is the same one I'm talking about in the news story dated February 4, 2006 on the news & gossip page. This is the same nutless wonder that was supposed to be the manager and sales department for that business, yet was only able to make 4 sales in 3 years, and didn't have the balls to collect on past due accounts from those 4 customers because they were also customers of that heavy equipment joint that you are talking about. He is the same person who killed the web sites of a bunch of businesses, and then after his former business partner got them back up again, your source of information hijacked all of their domains with the help of a local attorney and took their web sites back down again a week later. He did this so he could make it look like he was doing these customers a favor by handing over their domains to them, after his former business partner had already initiated transfers of the domains into the customers' names. Yeah, there's a hell of a favor, kill somebody's online business two times within one week and convince yourself that you're actually fooling them with your "Robin Hood" act. Worst of all, your source of information also violated his own LLC agreement with his former business partner by not giving him ample time to remove his source code from the servers before they were shut down, which makes him guilty of copyright infringement and software piracy since their LLC agreement says his partner was to retain full copyrights to all of the software he wrote that the business ran on. Not to mention perpetrating identity theft by attempting to have various utilities at his former business partner's house shut off and submitting a falsified change of address form to the US postal service. I'm willing to bet that he neglected to mention any of that to your dad. So, since I'm not about to say something here is a fact without it being an actual fact due to slander, libel, defamation laws, that tells you how accurate everything is that I just wrote. Considering that, tell me, how reliable do you think this your dad's source of information is?

Subject: Webmaster?
   From: "Hannah" <hannahb06@yahoo.com>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Thu, February 16, 2006 2:02 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

hey, my dad said that the guy who runs that JD construction equipment place out on east
highway 92 by the overpass in Gering told him that their old computer guy is running
this site. is that true?

I just love it when people get it. Again, notice the difference here. People who get it, know how to type and spell correctly. The people who don't get it, type like they're still in "Special Ed" classes in grade school. Best of all, this message is just screaming for someone to register scottsbluffgering.org, scottsbluffgering.us, or scottsbluffgering.info and put up another site just like this one. It would compliment this one quite nicely and give people something else to think about before they start crying and whining to me about this website (and wasting the city attorney's time again).

Well, Al. The actual address of this site is http://www.geocities.com/minatare_ne so that makes the hosting company Yahoo! since they own Geocities. They're the ones that throw the ad banner up on the right hand side of the page. I agree with you whole-heartedly, Scottsbluff and Gering are also just as in need of a similar website. I remember a recent article you wrote for the newspaper about big corporate box stores killing off local mom & pop shops like the building center you're involved in. I think you'd be good at webmastering a site like that for Scottsbluff and Gering. And all this time I thought the Dolls were all too uptight to appreciate sarcasm and satire, I stand (or sit) corrected. I know what you mean about the airport remodel job. What is it, "Scottsbluff International Airport" now? I hate to tell them this, but just because you have a Hindu janitor, doesn't make it an "International" airport.

Subject: Web Site
   From: "Alan Doll" <twincitysatire@gmail.com>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Mon, February 13, 2006 9:46 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

Barney,

I love the minatarenebraska.com site. The satire is great.

I have long thought about a similar site for the Scottsbluff-Gering area myself.
There is plenty of bs that takes place that needs to be exposed and a satirical
expose laced with truth is much more fun. Lot's of fun could be had with the recent
4 million dollar airport remodel we just went through.

Can you guide me to your hosting company, etc? I'm pretty much a novice on the
computer side of things so please excuse my ignorance if I am asking questions
that are obviously found on your website.

Thanks,
Al

Don't you just love kids? Funny, it always seems like the ones who send the hate mail have the biggest problems with spelling, grammar, and typing. They probably think this website is all about them, and they're probably right too. This little bimbo says I'm somehow dissing her, but she's using a Cox Communications cable modem connection in Omaha to send her message. Most likely, she's originally from Minatare and now lives in Omaha because her weight and/or her reputation prevents her from getting any dates here. It's obvious that she's not from Minatare and just going to college in Omaha, because you don't get into college with spelling, grammar, and typing skills like that. So, according to this bimbo's logic, if I live in Minatare, then that means I have no right to say anything about it? Alright, I get it now, you can't talk about about any town unless you don't live there and don't know squat about it. So, since I don't live in Omaha, that means I'm totally in the right when I say that Omaha has one too many stupid bimbos in its population and here's an email proving it. (Alyssa, before you tell someone else to grow up, it usually helps if you can act, speak, and type like a grown-up yourself. Please, get a clue next time. So, you hate me and this web site that gets hundreds of hits per day. Do the letters B, F, and D mean anything to you?)

Subject: [blank]
   From: "Alyssa Chavez" <alyssa_chavez0707@hotmail.com>
     IP: 68.99.29.78 [United States - Nebraska - Omaha - Cox Communications Inc]
   Date: Mon, February 6, 2006 4:48 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

Your site totally sucks!! your dissing minatare but you live there...thats
the stupidest thing EVER!!! Get a life..grow up...and stop dissing us...we
like the town we live in and if you dont MOVE OUT OF MINATARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My friend and i hate you soo yeah buh bye now

From:Me...

Hot damn! People are finally figuring it out, it's a freakin' joke! For those of you that still don't get it, [see this page] and take the time to learn what satire is, what its original purpose was, and why it's protected by the first amendment. I'm doing it because I think it's a fair trade for the unnecessary harassment that I received from the city over a classic car I have parked in my driveway. People do things like this to inspire change, and this hick town is in desperate need of change, new mayor, new city council, and new city employees all the way around. Anyway, I can sure tell this fan shared links to this site with a lot of people. Just the hits today were 375 unique visitors, 1862 total page views. Apparently there's a link to this site from bbs.bigredboard.com in their message board somewhere, but I haven't been able to find the message yet. If you know where it is, email it to me so I can see it. This is great, even though I have spent $0 advertising or promoting this site, I've achieved the kind of hits in 2 weeks that other website owners pay SEO companies a couple thousand dollars to get them over the course of a year. (Thanks for your support!)

Subject: [blank]
   From: "Bob Datel" <b.datel@charter.net>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Thu, February 2, 2006 5:00 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

Just a short note to let you know that we all are enjoying the website,
heard about it from a friend and have sent the address to x Western
Nebraskans across the nation. Keep up the good work, always love a good
joke and this certainly is one.

Careful with that atom bomb, you might cure the problem with this town once and for all, and then where will that leave me and my hobby? Had to post this one because it proves that some people in Minatare actually are edgumikated after all. You know what? I'll bet this person even knows better than to type "www.minatarenebraska.com" into a search engine and ask it to show them how to get to a website that they already know the address to. Sorry, couldn't help throwing that one in there. I was looking at the traffic graphs here and laughing at what some people use for search criteria to get here. (Let's see, the site's address is www.minatarenebraska.com, I better ask MSN Search to show me how to get there instead of taking a chance on just typing it into the address bar of my web browser and ending up at the wrong site.)

Subject: Yer Site
   From: "Rawkit Syntist" <i_m_smrt@minatarerocks.com>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Thu, February 2, 2006 8:55 am
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

Dear Webmaster,

Love the site! I always enjoy a good parody and there
is something new and funny added almost daily.

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I saw the
message from "MinatareRocks" That has got to be the
single worst example of improper spelling and grammar
I have ever seen. Somebody better call President Bush,
I think a child has been left behind. I will share
some of my favorite parts.

"You actually sat down and put together a site talking
trash about the town" (dammit you were supposed to do
it while hanging upside down, not sitting)

"you should be in the pins with the cows" (pins and cows?
Sounds inhumane to me. Quick! Alert PETA)

"your sit SUCKS!!!!!!!!!" (once again they have a problem
with you sitting . . . I don't get it)

"You are the one that lives in an alley!!!!!!!" (Don't most,
if not all houses in Minatare have one side facing an alley?
That could be anyone. I have a piece of alleyfront property
myself)

Anyhow, as a resident of Minatare I think this site is
hilarious and people need to either lighten up, or make
a positive change instead of perpetuating the stereotypes.

Oh boy, lookie here, another troll who wasn't smart enough to read the disclaimer page before he made a fool of himself in email. First of all, this dolt has gotten it into his head that I am somehow associated with the company that used to host minatare.net for the city. (Man, take two clues and call a shrink in the morning, we're not associated with each other in any way. They don't work for me, I don't work for them, period.) Here's clue #1 for ya, the original lessors of minatare.net were given generous advance notice by email and postal mail from their former hosting company telling them their hosting service was going to expire on December 31, 2005 and their domain name was going to expire on January 19, 2006. Can you guess what happened next? Here's clue #2, they didn't pay either bill and they lost their hosting and domain name! (Oh, please spare me the "be a man" talk as long as you're hiding behind a name like that and a bogus gmail address. I got your manhood right here, biatch!) I'd be willing to bet that if a certain elected official would have given the owner of the former minatare.net hosting company the written apology for slandering him that he requested, he might have been willing to put forth a little effort to cover the original minatare.net lessors' asses so they didn't end up losing their domain name. But, when the domain name expired, it became fair game for anybody that wanted it and I was there waiting for it. I call it a fair trade for the bullshït harassment I received from the city over a car parked in my own driveway. (Why do I get the feeling that you're writing your message and being coached by a certain elected official on what to say? The only reason I mention it is because you talk about God hating someone, and I know that a certain elected official here is/was a mail-order minister at one time.)

P.S. I don't think the company you're referring to is really worried about losing Minatare's $10 yearly revenue, tool.

Subject: Your work is an abomination!
   From: "God Hates You!" <godhatesyou@gmail.com>
     IP: 65.39.116.120 [United States - Nebraska - Hemingford - Allo Communications]
   Date: Wed, February 1, 2006 9:17 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

I never thought that I would see the day where two people would take a
simple disagreement and let it degrade to something like this. You are
a disgrace to the community and I hope nobody here does business with
you ever again. The city of Minatare had this web address and you stole
it out from under them to do something like this with it, all because
you didn't see eye to eye with the mayor. Grow up and be a man for once
in your life.

You gotta love the originality in the Hotmail email addresses that people create. Since this was actual fan mail rather than hate mail, I didn't bother to post their IP address. I like the way this person categorizes this website as a Minatare tribute site. Thanks for your support!

Subject: Rockin Website!
   From: "Yer Momma" <minatareblows@hotmail.com>
     IP: Not Hate Mail, Not Necessary
   Date: Wed, February 1, 2006 11:38 am
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

Glad to see that you put minatarerocks@hotmail.com in his/her place, I'm
pretty sure they are either still in school in Minatare, or they're a
Minatare High School dropout. It boggles the brain that they didn't bother
to proof read their message or spell check it before they sent it. You'd
have to be pretty lame in the brain to think it looked good enough to hit
the send button. I'll bet you if they ever sent you an email with their
picture attached they would probably end up looking like someone in the
webmaster's photo album.

Anyway dude I think this website rocks because it's funny as hell and pays a
perfect tribute to Minatare. The best part is that this website looks nicer
than the majority of websites put up by businesses around here. Thanks for
putting up a website that finally gives an accurate representation of
Minatare, something like this was long overdue!

Obviously this Minatare cheerleader (nice email address, lamer) isn't smart enough to use the spell checker that's built into the Hotmail email system. They don't seem to know how to use the SHIFT key on their keyboard or much about grammar either. (Let me guess where you go to school.) They also talk about me getting sued in their message and say I live in an alley. (No, I live in a house, and I can see two of the houses pictured on the home page if I look across the alley behind my house. I'd live in an alley but none of them here have DSL internet access, ass-clown.) This leads me to believe that they aren't bright enough to read the disclaimer page, the footer of any page here, or do a whois lookup on this domain name to see who actually owns it. Hey, dipshït, it's a parody website, a.k.a. satire. Refer to the case "Hustler Magazine v. Jerry Falwell", I'm sure somebody can transcribe that into braille so you can sit on it and read it that way if that makes it easier for you to understand. Oh, and worst of all, now I'm the "grunt" of the town. That leads me to believe that there is some high class honorable society in Minatare that they're a member of and I've now been 86'ed from it for life. Exactly how do they measure the level of a person's sophistication in that society? Is it gauged by the number of broken down vehicles and dead refrigerators piling up around their trailer house? Thanks for your input, but your total lack of spelling and grammar skills doesn't convince me that you have much of an IQ or that you're anybody worth worrying about.

P.S. The correct word is "bright", not "brite", please upgrade your IQ, tool.

Subject: Minatare site
   From: "lsh smith" <minatarerocks@hotmail.com>
     IP: 64.187.94.51 [United States - Nebraska - Scottsbluff - Action Communications Inc]
   Date: Tue, January 31, 2006 5:42 pm
     To: barney@minatarenebraska.com

Your site totall BLOWS!!!!!

You actually sat down and put together a site talking trash about the town
you live in and not to mention sleep in. You are now the grunt of the town.
actually you are the town slop you should be in the pins with the cows as
your intelligence is almost as brite as theirs. I hope you get sued so hard
that the future generations ( if your people are smart enough they won't
breed ) feel the torment from this site. By the wat did I mention your sit
SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

You are the one that lives in an alley!!!!!!!


XeroxLeft 2006 - Some Trailer Trash, All Rights Reversed (See My Disclaimer) This is a satire/parody website, if you take it 100% seriously, then you're a freakin' idiot!