How Do You Like Me Now?

My new year’s resolution this year was to start whittling down my give a fuck list, and so far I’ve knocked 5 people off that list that I’ve taken just entirely too much shit from in my life. I tried to be helpful when I could and all it resulted in was these people thinking I’m a sucker and proceeding to take advantage of me, gaslighting me, and flat-out disrespecting me. That road has officially come to an end. How do you like me now, toxic fucktards?

This past weekend resulted in two more people being knocked off the list for blatantly disregarding my request to give me advance notice before showing up with a car load of visitors at my door. I was away on a trip to Lincoln, NE and my house/dog sitter wouldn’t even answer the door because she didn’t recognize any of them, even though it was my brother and his family (her own cousin). Sorry, my rules apply equally to everybody, I don’t make exceptions for anyone. Maybe try showing up more than once every 7 years so people recognize you.

What cracks me up is that one of those people was the niece that I mentioned in a June 10 blog post, I was honestly perfectly fine with the arrangement that she chose on her own. Don’t try to send me a message to say that you’ve erased me and then show up unannounced at my front door later. I don’t like surprise visitors and just because you made a 700 mile trip doesn’t sway me, either. As I’ve said before, the beauty of being adopted is that if I ever fall out of favor with any relative, I’ll just find somebody else that looks like them and I’m right back in the race.

If it isn’t people that show up unannounced, it’s people who use bullshit vague terms like “I’d like to stop by this afternoon” and then don’t show up until 6pm or later. Sorry, my definition of afternoon is any time between 12pm and when I eat supper which is usually 5pm (there’s a difference between afternoon and evening). Don’t test my patience and start thinking that I’m your subordinate that just has to tolerate your stupid shit because you’re too disorganized to show up at a specific time.

Then there are the people who want to show up and ridicule how I do things, everything that I own, my lifestyle (sorry, I don’t have room or time for a wife/girlfriend and her kids), and think that I want to compete with them on purchases. You know, if things under my roof aren’t up to your standards, you really don’t need to come around here. Continually flipping me shit and insulting me isn’t going to make me change anything other than my decision as to whether or not you’re welcome here anymore.

What really took the cake and got somebody whittled of my give a fuck list recently was an old friend who was going to buy one of my classic VW bugs and thought it would be a good plan to go for a formal car loan on it. He actually tried taking me for a ride and thought his loan agent was the one who was setting the terms of the sale. Sorry, my car, my terms, I’m not your subordinate. Get a signature loan for the money if you want the car and can’t afford it!

Look, I’m happy with my home, things that I own, the way I do things, and I don’t have any desire to seek the approval of anybody else for anything. I don’t like visitors, and I definitely don’t like more than one at a time. You want to stay in my good graces and on my give a fuck list? Simply don’t press your luck with me and don’t ever think that I’m your subordinate. I really don’t think that this is a tall order. If you voluntarily decide to jump off my give a fuck list, you’re off for good, you’re not coming back. You’re just one less name and birthday that I have to worry about remembering.