Annoying Fake Experts

It just kills me how many people I encounter online and in person on a daily basis trying to peddle themselves as a computer, security, medical, political, or governmental expert. Oh, that’s fascinating, where did you obtain your training and expertise? Generally, it always comes down to Google, Facebook, YouTube, or bullshit alternative news websites.

What I’ve found is that real experts are generally quiet and don’t go spreading their expertise until asked for their opinion. Whereas, self-proclaimed experts constantly spread their verbal masturbation unsolicited and can never provide facts or proof to back up anything that they’re saying. This is just what my bullshit detector tells me.

Here’s a tip-off, if the story you’re telling sounds like a missing scene from The Matrix, War Games, or The Andromeda Strain. Please, just shut the fuck up already. Unless I ask you for your opinion or input on something or ask you what your field of expertise is, then your expertise is of no value to me. Learn to carry on a conversation without straining your arm to pat yourself on the back!

Wow, doesn’t that make me sound like a complete asshole? Maybe, but not as bad as a Windows or Apple fanboy trying to impress somebody with over the top impossible capabilities coming down the pike that only they know about, and they honestly believe that the other person is too mentally inept to realize they’re being fed a complete line of bullshit. Seriously, if I didn’t already see this in my regular newsfeeds, shut the fuck up already, you’re not my news source.

Oh, you’re a WuFlu expert because your wife is a nurse? Sorry, a nurse isn’t a virologist and just because you have fun with her naked doesn’t make you any kind of an expert. (NEXT) Oh, you’re a legal expert because your daughter is a receptionist at a legal firm? (NEXT) Oh, you’re a construction expert because you drive a delivery truck for Home Depot? (NEXT) Seriously, save it for Halloween and say Trick or Treat first before talking to me in the future.

This also applies to politics, the election rigging, internet security, you name it. I really do know how to find my own information and determine if it’s coming from a reliable source. If you are merely a Google or Facebook educated expert, I can tell, don’t waste my time. Everybody is an expert these days and most of them are attention whores unless they’re a real expert. Save that whoring job to impress your pimp, you bore me.